Copy for C.H.E.W., the Lollapalooza festival program.
Q: Why is it called the Mindfield?
A: Because it is a place where your mind can easily trip and get blown sky high.
The Watering Hole: OK, it's hot. It's very hot. But don't fear, we've provided you with an oasis of freely flowing water fountains to quench your raging thirst.
The Mist Tents: Nicknamed the Wet T-Shirt Tents. Just step inside a Mist Tent and you'll experience instant relief from the heat as a fine mist of cool water fills the air around you and dances on your thirsty skin. Stay in a Mist Tent for a moment and get moist, or linger a while and get seriously wet. A lifesaver on days when cruel Mr. Heatmiser cranks the temperature past 100.
Vendors: We've got vendors pushin' only the best merchandise, from rave gear and industrial jewelry to the yummy tastes you'll discover at the international food booths. Go discover the variety.
The Lab: On the Third Stage you'll find the Lab, a wonderful, unpredictable zone of the Mindfield where bizarre experiments take place and exciting breakthroughs are made. You'll discover infectious varieties of new music, and ideas that will get under your skin and lay eggs. It's weird science, kid, and if you're not careful you just might learn something before we're through.
The Fashion Show: Now you won't have to jet off to Paris or Milan to check out the hot new looks. Just drop by the Lab's Fashion Show, where 20 young designers present the fashions of the future with superstar guests and audience members as models. Talk about chic, darling...
Martial Arts Demo: The world's greatest martial artists teach you their secrets! The swords and nun-chucks will be flying as these masters of karate and tae kwon do take the stage. Heeee-yah!
Aliens Living on Earth: We are not alone... In fact, there are aliens right here at this festival! Just beam over to The Lab and have a close encounter with visitors from another world.
Feed an Army: Let's be frank. In this heat, you're sweating off pounds by the minute. In fact, some of our more petite guests risk evaporating altogether. Well, we can't have that, so 100 randomly selected visitors will be getting tickets for free meals from superb local chefs. These chefs will also be presenting shows to teach you how to cook mass quantities of their oh, so yummy recipes.
Poetry: Don't expect "I wandered lonely as a cloud." This is poetry that backs you into a corner and sticks its tongue in your ear. It don't rhyme and it ain't pretty.
Mindgames: Try a political tug o' war, condom races, or even interactive sex games. The Student Environmental Action Coalition, Rock the Vote and Planned Parenthood will be here to speak with you, and the legendary San Francisco Mime Troupe performing skits and generally annoying people.
Open Mic: Yes, now you'll be able to tell your grandchildren you performed at Lollapalooza. Sing a song, read a poem, tell a joke, just do something... And remember, if the crowd throws mud, that's just their way of saying they love you.
Guinness Wold Record Breakers: They do weird stuff, and they do it better than anybody else in the world. You'll even get a chance to break some records yourself!
